He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
