that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
