he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
