he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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