hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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