WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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