If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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