You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
