I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
