whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
