I think im going to throw up on grandma
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
