32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
