Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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