They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
