my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm too high and old for this...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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