Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
