this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
