I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
