I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
