I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
