bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
