So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
