drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
