Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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