just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
