so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
