Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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