dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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