It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
