If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
