my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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