I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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