Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
