I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
