his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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