somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
