i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
