2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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