Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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