Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
