sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
