So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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