just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
