a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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