Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize