i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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