this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
