Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
