Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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