so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I met the friendliest cop last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
