cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
