stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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