Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
