We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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