We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
