I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
