i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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