I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found your dick twin last night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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