I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
