She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
