Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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