lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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