we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
