Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
