Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
