If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
