Jerry, you need to find god
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
