i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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