just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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